Have you ever wondered how experiences from your past may have shaped who you are today, how you feel about yourself, and how you relate to other people?
In this second video of my PTSD series, I want to explore how past traumas can influence our beliefs, our identity, our behaviours, and the relationships we develop throughout our lives.
Sometimes we become so accustomed to being a certain way that we don’t recognize how much of who we’ve become may have developed as a way of protecting ourselves from painful experiences in the past.
How Past Trauma Can Shape Who We Become
When we experience something traumatic, whether as a child or an adult, it may be something so difficult or overwhelming that we simply aren’t able to process what we’re going through at the time.
Perhaps we experienced abuse, rejection, shame, abandonment, or something else that was just too painful to handle.
Our subconscious mind may protect us by disconnecting us from those difficult feelings and experiences through dissociation.
In a way, this can be compared to what happens when someone experiences a serious physical injury and goes into shock. The pain may be so overwhelming that their awareness of it becomes reduced.
With emotional trauma, something similar can happen. We may become disconnected from painful feelings and even from sensations within our own body.
This is part of how our mind and nervous system may help us cope with experiences that are simply too much to handle.
But something else can happen as well.
We may begin changing ourselves, often without even realizing it, to avoid ever experiencing those painful feelings again.
Developing an Identity Around Survival
When our subconscious mind develops protective coping mechanisms, those patterns can gradually influence the kind of person we become.
We may develop ways of behaving that help us avoid situations, feelings, or experiences that remind us of the original trauma.
For example, we might become someone who:
•Tries to please everyone to avoid rejection or conflict.
•Pushes emotions away and becomes tough, always trying to push through difficult situations.
•Needs to control situations or other people to maintain a sense of safety.
•Avoids being vulnerable or allowing others to get too close.
•Changes who they are to fit in or feel accepted.
These behaviours may have developed for very understandable reasons.
At the time, they may have helped us survive or avoid feelings that were simply too overwhelming.
But years later, we may still be living through those same protective patterns, even when they no longer serve us.
And this can affect almost every area of our lives.
How Trauma Can Affect Our Relationships
When we’re living through protective coping mechanisms, we may not feel safe enough to be who we truly are.
This can have a significant influence on our relationships, particularly our romantic relationships and our ability to experience the kind of love and connection we really want.
Perhaps we don’t allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable because opening up feels unsafe.
Maybe we become people-pleasers, always trying to make others happy because we’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned.
Or perhaps we become controlling because we believe that if we can keep everything around us under control, we’ll be safe.
These patterns may create difficulties in our relationships, even though their original purpose was to protect us.
We might find ourselves feeling disconnected, misunderstood, lonely, or unable to experience the closeness we truly want.
And sometimes we don’t even recognize that these behaviours are connected to unresolved experiences from our past.
How Trauma Can Influence Our Self-Worth
Our past experiences can also influence how we feel about ourselves.
Perhaps we learned early in life that certain parts of who we were weren’t acceptable.
Maybe we experienced shame or rejection, and over time we began hiding those parts of ourselves to avoid being hurt again.
We might grow into adulthood feeling that we don’t quite fit in, that we’re not good enough, or that we need to become someone different to be loved and accepted.
Sometimes we become so disconnected from our authentic selves that we don’t really know who we are anymore.
We may feel alone, even when we’re surrounded by people.
Or perhaps we carry a deep fear of abandonment.
If being abandoned was something we experienced as overwhelming in the past, we may now do almost anything to avoid feeling that way again.
We might change ourselves, suppress our needs, or become whoever we believe we need to be so that others will accept us and stay in our lives.
And all of this can happen without us consciously recognizing why we’re behaving this way.
Recognizing How Trauma Has Changed You
If you’re experiencing PTSD or unresolved trauma and want to begin moving forward, one of the first things I encourage you to do is take a gentle, honest look at how your experiences may have shaped you.
Not in a way that judges yourself or makes you feel bad about who you’ve become, but from a place of understanding and compassion.
Ask yourself:
How have my past experiences changed me?
You might find it helpful to take a piece of paper and create two columns.
In the first column, write down some of the ways those experiences may have helped you develop positive qualities or strengths.
In the second column, write down some of the ways those same experiences may now be limiting you or creating difficulties in your life.
For example, perhaps your experiences helped you become extremely resourceful and independent.
You learned how to take care of yourself, solve problems, and handle difficult situations without depending on others.
Those can be wonderful strengths.
But what might be the other side of that?
Perhaps you now have difficulty allowing other people to help you.
Maybe you push yourself too hard, don’t know how to rest, or struggle to let people get close enough to support you.
So something that helped you survive may also be creating challenges in your life today.
Are These Coping Patterns Still Serving You?
As you begin recognizing these patterns, take some time to explore them.
You might ask yourself:
•What qualities or behaviours developed because of my past experiences?
•Which of these qualities do I genuinely appreciate about myself?
•Which patterns are creating difficulties in my life today?
•Do I have trouble allowing others to help or support me?
•Am I afraid to express certain feelings or parts of who I am?
•Do I change myself to avoid rejection or abandonment?
•How are these patterns affecting my work, relationships, or romantic life?
•How do I really feel about myself deep down?
•Do I still need these protective behaviours in the same way I once did?
You don’t have to figure everything out at once.
The intention is simply to begin recognizing how some of your beliefs, behaviours, and emotional reactions may have developed in response to earlier experiences.
And as you begin seeing these connections, you may start understanding yourself in a very different way.
Rather than judging yourself for having these patterns, you can begin appreciating why they developed while also recognizing that you may no longer need to live through them in quite the same way.
Rebuilding Inner Safety and Reconnecting With Your Authentic Self
An important part of healing from unresolved trauma is gradually creating a greater sense of safety within ourselves.
When we’ve spent years protecting ourselves from certain feelings or experiences, we can’t necessarily expect those patterns to disappear simply because we understand them.
They developed for important reasons.
But as we begin recognizing these patterns and understanding how they’ve shaped us, we can start creating a foundation for change.
Little by little, as we develop greater inner safety, we may become more comfortable allowing our authentic selves to come forward.
We can begin recognizing what we genuinely feel, what we need, and who we want to be, rather than continually adjusting ourselves to avoid the fears and painful feelings associated with the past.
This is a gradual process, and it’s important to approach it at a pace that feels safe and manageable.
The goal isn’t to force ourselves to become someone different.
It’s to gradually feel safe enough to become more of who we truly are.
Explore the Complete PTSD Video Series
This is Video 2 of my PTSD series, where we’re exploring how unresolved trauma can influence our identity, beliefs, coping mechanisms, and relationships.
Throughout the series, we’ll look more closely at how these protective patterns develop, why they continue influencing our lives, and how mindfulness and greater self-awareness can help us gradually rebuild inner safety.
In the next video, we’ll explore more about subconscious coping mechanisms and how our perception of danger can influence the way we respond to everyday situations.
Explore the complete PTSD video series:
FREE Self-Help Mindfulness Series — Reconnecting With Yourself and Building Inner Safety
One of the foundations of my approach to healing is developing greater self-awareness and gradually learning to feel safe being ourselves.
My FREE Self-Help Mindfulness Series introduces practical awareness exercises that can help you begin recognizing your thoughts, feelings, and subconscious patterns in everyday life.
For someone experiencing PTSD-related challenges, these practices may help you:
•Become more aware of protective behaviours such as people-pleasing, avoidance, or emotional withdrawal.
•Recognize when fears from the past may be influencing your present-day choices.
•Develop a more compassionate relationship with the parts of yourself you’ve learned to hide or reject.
•Begin reconnecting with your feelings and body sensations when it feels safe.
•Gradually build greater inner safety and confidence in being your authentic self.
If focusing on emotions or body sensations feels overwhelming, it’s important to slow down and return to what feels grounding and manageable. Some people benefit from professional support when exploring trauma-related patterns.
Explore the FREE Self-Help Mindfulness Series:
Would You Like Support With PTSD and Unresolved Trauma?
If you’re recognizing how past experiences may be affecting your self-worth, relationships, or ability to feel safe being yourself, I offer a free 1-hour video consultation. We can talk about the challenges you’re experiencing, how they’re affecting your life, explore possible underlying patterns, discuss your goals for healing and change, and look at my therapeutic approach to see whether working together feels like the right fit for you.
Schedule Your Free Consultation:
https://calendly.com/arnepedersen/free-consultation
Counselling Hypnotherapy
Through my work at Hypnotherapy Victoria, I offer a mindfulness-based counselling hypnotherapy approach focused on developing self-awareness, understanding subconscious coping mechanisms, and gradually rebuilding inner safety.
Part of this process involves recognizing how past experiences may have shaped our identity and behaviours, while helping us develop greater confidence in expressing who we truly are.
The intention is to work gently and compassionately, at a pace that respects each person’s individual needs.
Counselling Victoria
Hypnotherapy Victoria
Moving Forward With Greater Understanding and Confidence
Our past experiences may have shaped many aspects of who we’ve become, including some of our greatest strengths and some of the patterns that create difficulties in our lives today.
By beginning to recognize these patterns, we can develop a clearer understanding of why we behave and react the way we do.
And as we gradually rebuild inner safety, we may find ourselves becoming more comfortable expressing our feelings, allowing others into our lives, and being who we truly are.
Healing from PTSD and unresolved trauma takes patience, understanding, and compassion.
But little by little, we can begin moving beyond some of those old protective patterns and creating a life that feels more connected, authentic, and fulfilling.
I look forward to sharing the next video with you.
Arne Pedersen
